oh hey november

first of all,
thanks to my wonderful friend, abby for the inspiration for this post.

i have a short list of goals for the amazing month of november

- give my little cousin an awesome card for her 4th birthday

- spend my birthday doing something other than sitting at home.

- have the best joint-party ever.

- have an amazing thanksgiving with my family.

-be thankful for the time i get to spend with my family.

- save some..or at least a little birthday money to fix the little things on my car.

- be positive all the time.

- don't let people get to me. (i have a huge problem with this)

- go to church..EVERY sunday.

- win the "no-shave november" bet with ben. (he won't go through with it)

- turn my life over to God.

- try to be the person that He wants me to be.

let's make this november count.



times

I hear you say
"My love is over. it's underneath.
it's inside. it's in between.
the times that you doubt me, when you can't feel.
the times that you question, 'is this for real?'
the times you're broken.
the times that you mend.
the times that you hate me and the times that you bend.
well my love is over. it's underneath.
it's inside. it's in between.
these times that you're healing, and when your heart breaks.
the times that you feel like you're running from grace.
the times you're hurting.
the times that you heal.
the times you go hungry and are tempted to steal.
the times of confusion, of chaos and pain.
i'm there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame.
i'm there through your heartache.
i'm there in the storm.
my love i will kep you, by my power alone.
i don't care where you fall, or where you have been.
i'll never forsake you, my love never ends.
it never ends"

dear school,

i used to like you..
you know, back when all the classes were easy and i was actually smart in them.
but now that i can't do anything right,
and i don't know how to study anymore,
and i fail tests in ap us,
i hate you.

you're no fun.
the only pleasure i get is talking to my friends..
and sometimes, even that isn't too pleasureful <--is that a word?

i want you to be over.

God is so evident here.

this weekend was the best weekend of my life.
well..one of them..the other being a year ago at windy gap.
this weekend, i went to rockbridge
and i had the time of my life with the most amazing gorup of people i know.
i got so close to these people, and some of them i never thought i'd ever even talk to.

younglife camp is different from any other christian camp i'll ever go to.
it's a place where you can see Jesus in every single person around you, yet religion isn't pushed in your face.
twice a day, i was in a huge room with 400 teenagers, all singing..shouting to God, all praying together

last night, i got "the gift of younglife camp"
i laid in a field by myself, in the pitch blackness, surrounded by mountains, underneath a blanket of stars
the only sound was crickets and crying.
i laid there thinking,
why is it that when i go to places like this, i act the way God wants me to and a month later, i lose all of that? why am i such a sinner? how can God love me for the person that i am? why can't i be the way he wants me to be?
Miraculously, an hour later at club, the speaker gave me the exact answers i needed.
"right now you may be thinking that when you go back home, you're going to be a better person. you may be thinking that you're going to stop doing all the things that you do that make you feel bad, or that make you feel guilty. but really, you don't need to. all you need is a relationship with God. if you create a relationship with him, you'll be more and more like him."
God spoke to me last night and it was absolutely amazing.

everyone makes mistakes, and everyone sins.
a relationship with God is what i need, and what i'm going to create.
nothing can stop me now.
even though i'm no longer like the beautiful slab of granite and more like the gravel that it turned into, my relationship with God starts now, and will last forever.

thank you younglife.

thank you best friend.

thank you new friends.

thank you rockbridge.

thank you God.

"i could spend my whole life right here"

this past weekend, our church went on our annual youth retreat to a beautiful place called Laurel Ridge.
this place is my home for a week every summer when we go to mission camp, and i can honestly say that whenever i'm there, i think to myself, "i could spend my whole life right here"
laurel ridge has impacted me in ways that i didn't even know were possible.
god works so many miracles and wonders on that mountain.
the drive up the moutain on all the curvy roads is amazing.
the view is amazing.
sleeping in the big cabin with everyone with a fire because it's so cold is amazing.
the cold in itself is amazing.
the colors of the trees are amazing.
walking up to the top of the mountain to the overlooks is amazing.
my youth group is amazing.
my whole entire weekend was absolutely amazing.
i wouldn't trade last weekend for anything.

2 more days until Rockbridge.
Another life changing weekend

busy bee.

i have a ton on my plate right now.

cheerleading.
ap us project.
ap us reading.
spanish 3 project.
3 yearbook spreads.
kutless concert at the fair.
church youth retreat.
tests in all classes next week.
rockbridge next weekend.

my life is like a rollercoaster that's constantly moving.
there are so many ups and downs to everything it's crazy.
i have no idea how i'm going to make it out of junior year alive.
lord help me.

too much to do

ap us history-it seems like i'm studying for a quiz, test, or retest almost every night.
yearbook-i have 2 spreads due on wednesday..only one of which i've started and almost finished...the other for which i have only 4 pictures.

i'd love to take the time to blog about my lovely weekend at subject to change, but once again,
i have none.

so,
it will have to wait until thursday night.

happy birthday boyfriend.

today is the birthday of someone who means so much to me, it doesn't even seem real.

he is by far the best guy in the world and i'm the luckiest girl.

ben,

thank you so much for everything you do for me.

i appreciate it more than anything.

you're the greatest.

I love you more than all of the stars in the sky.

<3



in my own words.

my favorite song lately has been "Can't Wait" by runner runner.
i absolutely love this song, so i changed it up and put it into my own words

the way you curse when we're in traffic
a million flavors of your chapstick
the way that you keep my heart captive


that movie that we went to see
remember when you fell asleep
i still have that ticket you bought me


and this is the way i feel


i can't wait 'til i can be your wife
to live this life together
and i won't let you go, i need you to know
that you are my heart, forever
and on and on and on


the way we like the sing those songs
you always know when somethings wrong
the way you say you miss me when i'm gone


the things you do to show you care
to show me that you're always there
freeze this moment, let me stop and stare


nothing before was real
and this is the way i feel


i can't wait 'til i can be your wife
to live this life together
and i won't let you go, i need you to know
that you are my heart, forever
and on and on and on
and we'll go on and on and on

for better or for worse, no matter how it hurts
i've got you to hold my hand, you've promised me the world
and in my wedding dress
we'll dance 'til no one's left
don't wanna blink my eyes
don't wanna miss a thing

and i can't wait 'til i can be your wife
to live this life together
and i won't let you go, i need you to know
that you are my heart forever
and on and on and on
and we'll go on and on and on

hopefully one day i can actually learn to play the guitar,
so i can play and sing this song.

by the way--
i'm giving myself a pat on the back for blogging twice in one day.

hello stranger.

So, a lot of things have happened to me since my last real blog on july 21st.

i'm going to start by updating my summer goals list, which i didn't exactly complete...not even halfway.

1. meet my dad

2. go to the beach

3. get a tan. (other than from a tanning bed)

4. wash my face 2x a day

5. work out at least 3x a week

6. meet torrey

7. read the Bible and do a devotion every night

8. get my back hand-spring on the floor...then, i lost it.

9. get a job

10. keep my room clean...er

11. go to the doctor about my headaches

12. take a lot of pictures

13. sell a lot of yearbook ads

14. blog more

That is pretty self-explanitory, so, moving on.

august 12th was definitely a day to remember.

it was the day that i finally met my long-lost big brother, torrey.

yes, this is the ONE person i had been dying to meet since i've been in touch with the other side of my family. 

i was extremely happy to say the least.

second,

in july, we added a new member to our family.

this is cooper.  



the cutest and sweetest puppy ever.

now that summer is over,

my days consist of working my butt off in school,

cheerleading,

homework,

studying for tests which i fail,

and now cramming for the 6 weeks tests...

tomorrow and wednesday.

but, at least i have now found time to get a blog in

every once and a while.

hopefully i can keep this up.



Dear Nat,

I'm sitting in AP US History right now...
which honestly, is the reason why i have been MIA from blogger the past month...because this class will really be the death of me.
but anyways...
I'm sitting behind nat and her creeping on blogs.
so, when i get home tonight, after homework and cheer practice, i WILL blog

So..
dear nat,
thank you for inspiring me.
(:

this was pointless.
oh well.

friends in unexpected places.

this past monday and tuesday, i went to yearbook camp.

there, i became friends with some people that i didn't think i would.

the best part, however, had nothing to do with the camp or even yearbook itself.

it was the four amazing girls i spent it with.

one of these girls, i spent a lot of second semester of freshman year with.

she has a huge heart, a great personality, and a laugh you can recognize from a mile away.

since i met this girl when we were in eighth grade, i have always seen her as a 

very spritual person. i think of her as the girl who goes to church and gives her all to the Lord.

well, come to find out, recently, she has been questioning him.

she is yearning to feel God's presence.

she may feel like she has lost touch with him,

but this girl has never lost her faith.

she's probably one of the most inspirational people i know.

no matter what kind of mood you are in,

she can figure out a way to make you smile.

anyways, i'll get to the point.

everyone was supposed to be in our hotel rooms at midnight on monday night,

but the five of us decided we would find a place outside and just sit and talk.

our conversations went from boys and falling in love, to God.

that very night, i think four of us brought our friend closer to him.

we told her not to give up on him.

things take time and he has a plan.

they also taught me great lessons.

who knew one conversation could bring us all so close

and build such a good frienship.

to close this blog,

i would like to say thank you.

to four of the most amazing girls i know.

here's to sitting in the dark,

under the stars,

in the middle of a vineyard,

at holiday inn express...

almost three hours past our curfew.

...

and here's to the ones who ran on five hours of sleep the next day.

abby, jessica, sydney & nathallie,

thank you.

i love you all.



bye bye kami.

If you have read my previous blog posts,

then you know about my step brother's daughter that has

been living with my parents and i for the past three months.

kameira cadence.

during the past months, i have become extremely attached

to this cutie..

i've gotten so used to seeing her face pressed against

the glass door of our apartment when i walk up,

and opening it to a high-pitched "heeeeeeey!"

when she came to live with us,

she didn't know how to walk,

how to feed herself,

and she didn't know how to say anything

except for baba, which meant cup.

because of her parents' poor job raising her,

she is developmentally behind.

i hope that when she goes all the way back to virginia on sunday,

her mom realizes how much she has changed and developed in

these past three months.

i hope she can take her daughter into consideration

and take care of her and love her the way we do.

i guess we'll see when she comes back to us in september.



summer goals.

so, while i'm sitting here on my bed,

eating sour patch kids and m&m's,

i thought i would make a list of my summer goals.

yes, i know, summer has been in full swing since june 10th, but why not?

so, here we go.

bold = done. 

1. meet my dad

2. go to the beach

3. get a tan. (other than from a tanning bed)

4. wash my face 2x a day

5. work out at least 3x a week

6. meet torrey

7. read the Bible and do a devotion every night

8. get my back hand-spring on the floor

9. get a job

10. keep my room clean...er

11. go to the doctor about my headaches (my mom thinks i need glasses...yay)

12. take a lot of pictures

13. sell a lot of yearbook ads

14. blog more

now,

i hope you enjoy these random pictures of my summer so far.

 thank you, holly vogler, for the photos below.



happy summer!

a day to remember.

well today was the day i've been waiting for practically all my life.

today, i met the man that helped bring me into this world.

the man i haven't seen in 14 years.

the man i like to call my dad.

although we only took one picture (which will not upload right now for some reason),

the memories of this day will stick with me forever.

today was a blessing.

and i thank God so much for making it possible.

let's just say..

today was all i had expected it to be,

plus so much more.



for the first time in my life.

father's day.

the day that brought me to tears for many years in the past.

the day that now brings me happiness and so much gratefulness.

for the first time in my life,

i was able to put a card into an envelope with the

name and address of my father on the front.

for the first time in my life,

i'm happy on father's day.

the town that built me.

many people would tell you that the town we live in is too small, too quiet, or is full of drama because everyone knows everyone.

however,

i love that it's so quiet and quaint,

that you can drive all the way across it in less than fifteen minutes,

that the speed limit on main street is 20,

that in middle school, the thing to do after school was walk and hang out with friends at hardee's,

that getting behind tractors on the roads is an every day occurance,

that for many, weekends include riding four wheelers or dirt bikes,

that most houses are yards apart instead of just inches,

that everywhere you go on these country roads you see tobacco fields.

although i wasn't born here, this is where i spent most of my childhood

(or at least the years i can clearly remember).

this town is where all of my memories were made.

unlike most of the kids at school who say they can't wait to be eighteen and get away from this town,

i consider this to be the best place on earth.

photo credit.



for a sigh of relief.

well, in the last week, i've survived the two things i thought i wouldn't be able to.

ben's high school graduation,

and senior week.

this was the week that really scared me.

trust was definitely not the issue,

it's just common for a girl to be worried when her boyfriend's at senior week, right?

that's what i thought.

and today, that week, which felt like forever,
 is finally over.

now, i have no worries.

just summer.

which is finally really here.

<3 

for a re-cap.

well, needless to say, this is the first time in a while that i've had time to blog.

a lot has happened since my last post.

may 13:

ben and i celebrated our 1 year anniversary.

after going to his house,

spending what seemed like forever in golf galaxy,

and going to my aunt's birthday party,

it definitely wasn't the typical anniversary date.

most people thought we should have gone to some fancy restaurant or a movie,

but that night i learned that those aren't the things that make it special.

i was happy just to spend the evening with him,

no matter where it was.

may 18:

i met my aunt, laurie reich.

the one i haven't seen since i was two.

she was absolutely amazing.

she bought my mom and i dinner and after we ate

she showed us some old pictures of my family.

after that, she came with us to my tumbling class.

she is probably one of the nicest women i've met in my life

and i'm so glad God gave me the opportunity to finally meet her.

may 20:

another moving day.

my fourth one since eighth grade.

my mom, step dad, kameira and i moved from mt. airy back to pilot mountain.

it seemed that i was the one that was the most excited about this move. 

instead of driving twenty minutes to school every morning, i now only have to drive two. 

instead of driving anywhere from twenty to thirty minutes to see my friends,

i now only have to drive five to fifteen.

i love being this close to everything again.

i missed it so much.

june 3:

my last official day as a sophomore.

ben's last day of being a high school student.

this made me realize how fast this year has flown by.

i feel like it was just yesterday that it was august 24th and ben

was picking me up for my first day of my sophomore year.

i feel like just yesterday i was in the middle of the ocean a cruise ship, having the best

sweet sixteen ever.

i feel like just yesterday i was driving alone for the first time.

when in all reality, yesterday was the last day i would be walking the halls

as a sophomore,

the last day i would hug ben between first and second period.

in just two short years, it will be me taking pictures with my friends 

on the last day as a high school student.

it made me realize that i can't take this time for granted.

i need to stop wishing my life away.

because before i know it, i'll be the one sitting on the football field of 

east surry in a red cap and gown.   

as my brother, torrey, told me this morning,

"you have the rest of your life. enjoy your youth."



for short and simple.

never procrastinate.
especially in biology.
trying to write a paper that was due last tuesday, and everytime i try, something goes wrong.
procrastinating = a huge smack in the face.

to be a better blogger.

yes, i realize in the last few weeks  i've been a terrible blogger.

i haven't been able to take the time out of my suddenly busy schedule to sit here and blog.

so starting now, i will get better.

since my last blog, things with my father and brother have been getting even better.

a phone conversation with torrey a few weeks ago made me even more hopeful.

right after i wrote my last blog i decided to step up and write to my dad.

i had no idea what to say, so i just poured out all of my feelings and spilled my heart to him on 5 sheets of paper. i put my older blog entries into the envelope with the letter so he could see how i truly felt.

i knew not to get my hopes up too early because i wasn't sure how it would really turn out.

i mailed the letter after almost a whole week of trying to make it perfect.

then, honestly, after i mailed it, i put it in the back of my mind for a while and thought about other things.

that is, until april 7th.

when i got home there was an envelope waiting on my bed.

return address name:

ken reich

just reading the name on the front of the envelope made me shake.

i threw my backpack onto the floor and settled into the pillows on my bed to read the letter i had been waiting for, for almost 14 years.

he had read the blog about my three goals in life, one of which i can almost check off.

"in regard to making a difference, you've accomplished that as well. i can only imagine the joy you've brought to your mother and grandmother as well as the rest of your family. also through your efforts and initiative on the computer you have already made an impact on Torrey.  i can tell how impressed he is with you.  so you have already made a huge difference in the lives of Torrey and i both"

that was the part that made the tears spill out of the corners of my eyes and roll down my cheeks.

the letter ended with,

"with love,

dad"

after reading through all 5 pages, all i could was sit there and cry.

not a sad cry of course, but a happy one.

i cried becasue it was again proof of how much is possible with God.

i have prayed every night since i was 11 that one day God would lead me to my father, and now, he has.

after a week or so i mailed another letter which i never got a written response to.

this tuesday night however, i got even better.

a phone call.

although i had not heard his voice since i was two, i felt like it was one of the voices i heard every day.

it was so familiar to me, it was ridiculous.

we had no trouble talking at all.

i felt like i was talking to my best friend.

before all of this, i was a strong believer.

now, however, my love for God is even stronger.

no one but God made this possible.

i picked my favorite verse from the Bible after watching "facing the giants"..

"...with God all things are possible."

-matthew 19:26

last weekend,

we took a family trip to gatlinburg, tennessee.

 the best grandma in the world.

not the best italian restaurant.

but, it was the only place we knew how to get to at 9pm.

on the way, we missed the turn and hit a curb.

only we would walk outside in 40-50 degree weather in towels to get to the hot tub.

yes, that says 36 degrees.

and it was snowing.

random elks love to cross the road.

and like 10 cars pulled over to take pictures.

oh how i love family road trips.

<3

when we got back, we had new house-mates.

my stepbrother, raymond and his 19-month-old daughter, kameira.

what a cutie (:

and finally..

this easter was one of the best ones yet.

hay-bug

part of the church group.

i hope everyone had a great easter (: